African wives in the diaspora have been advised to desist from the archaic practice of using sex as a bargaining tool in their marriages.
This unholy act has caused significant havoc in marriages, sometimes compelling husbands to seek sexual satisfaction outside their marital homes.
Emmanuel Kesse, a discussant at the inaugural edition of a joint programme organised by the Men’s and Women’s Ministries of New Covenant United Methodist Church (NCUMC) in Fairfield, Ohio, dubbed ‘Filling Each Other’s Tank,’ expressed concern about the lukewarm attitude of African wives, especially those in the diaspora, when it comes to matters of sex and romance, unlike their African American counterparts who are always ready.
Responding to a question from Dr Nana Kissiwa-Arthur Mensah, the moderator of the programme, on how to fill each other’s tank sexually, Mr Kesse did not mince words in expressing his frustration.
“Sometimes, things get so bad that you have to appease your wife to get what’s legitimately yours. But that’s not sustainable. They don’t initiate anything, and when you do, they just quench the fire. In fact, that’s very frustrating,” he said.
While the members of the Women’s Ministry shared myriad reasons that dwindle their sexual drive to explore as expected by their husbands, ranging from stress from work and household chores, the majority of the Men’s Fellowship members seconded the view of Mr Kesse.
Mrs Dorcas Boakye, a Nurse and a discussant, blamed the situation on African cultural beliefs.
“Normally, when an African woman explores like a wounded lion ready to devour as expected by our husbands, she is tagged as a spoilt girl, so it compels them to be laid-back or give them the traditional missionary style to make us look more innocent,” she said.
Mrs Florence Esi Jonfiah, a member of the Women’s Ministry contributing to the discussion, asked why most wives behave as if men only benefit from sex, adding that the benefits it brings to them are unquantifiable.
“Look, let’s not pretend; we equally need sex just like our men need it. For us, apart from the many health benefits including stress release, increased hormone production, vaginal health, improved circulation, among others, the ecstatic moments alone are unimaginable,” she said.
‘Filling Each Other’s Tank,’ a programme organised by the NCUMC Men’s and Women’s Ministries over the weekend in Fairfield, Ohio, sought to explore ways to attend to the needs of spouses and families in order to build a happy Christian home.
This was a departure from both Ministries having separate meetings occasionally to deliberate on their spiritual growth and personal upliftment.
Areas explored included but were not limited to intimacy, finances, emotional and psychological needs, raising kids in the diaspora, and extended families.
The President of the NCUMC, Dr Edith Gyan, impressed by the organisation and impact of the programme, hinted at similar events in the coming years to try and find solutions to major setbacks in diaspora relationships and families.
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