After changing a few houses helps, I quickly realized that there was more to having a good reliable hardworking house help. Most people think house help is an option for career women who have simply lost it domestically and have to depend on outsiders, sometimes total strangers, to take care of their homes while they pursue their careers.
On the contrary, I say having a domestic help is not a sign of laziness or a home management deficiency on the part of the woman, but rather a preference for ambitious career women who may not have adequate time for the home. A house help can help domestically, while a woman pursues a career and educational ambitions.
However, in many cases, a good house help is difficult to come by. Some people blame it on the crafty nature of these domestic assistants. However, I believe that if the people who engage them are well equipped with the right skills and pointers, the entire process can be improved and made less inconveniencing than it already is.
The house help wahala is real, I have lived to testify. It is a tough call most women who have had to make, to bring in a helping hand to support the catering of the children and care of the home. So it is with a pure heart and mind that a well-meaning woman will go out in search of a house help, to do just what the name suggests, help the house.
However, it is a whole wahala industry that few women are comfortable enough to talk about and some have lived to regret such decisions years down the line. In my few years of experience with house helps, I have had to learn, sometimes the hard way, that there are some key things to bear in mind to survive and indeed keep your head when dealing with these domestic Helps. If you are a homemaker like myself, or simply a curious mind, the following are a few pointers that have helped me greatly and I hope they work for you too.
First things first, do some background check and get those labs done
Although seen as a waste of money, one of the first things to do before engaging the services of a help is to do a background check. Know where they live, who can be called in cases of emergencies, where they have worked before and if possible a criminal background check. The medical lab tests can save you a lot of medical stress and disasters. The top medical checks for me have been Hepatitis B, HIV and Pregnancy tests. Whenever raised, taking a medical lab appears as a surprise sometimes to the helps you may get as referrals from friends and neighbours or sometimes agencies who may not provide such services. I find running labs very useful for medical purposes but not as a means of discrimination. On some occasions, a help I intended to engage tested positive for Hepatitis B and this has kept my resolve that the lab test is not negotiable, at least for the sake of the children.
Customize the help you want
Help is only help when it is given the way you want to have it. Let the help know exactly what is expected of them, the scope of their work, what is allowed and what is not allowed. Teach them how you want them to treat the kids, the use of electronic equipment such as the washing machines, microwaves to enable the help to fully understand what is permissible and what is not.
I find the use of a weekly schedule very useful; this is printed out and explained to the help and a copy-pasted in the kitchen for easy reference. This ensures that work is not overloaded in a day and the help is also able to quickly refer to know the ‘Madam’s’ expectations for each day,
Be the Woman of the House
The house help is exactly what the name is, a Help. Be careful not to ‘relax’ thinking that you have someone cleaning cooking and doing domestic work. Remain the woman of the house, be involved in tasks, a follow-up to ensure tasks for the day are done and done well.
Do not become emotionally absent, it is your home and you are the one in charge domestically. The help may capitalize on the feigned control of household activities if you remain laid back. It is also helpful because that way, Daddy gets to feel your role at home and appreciate the ‘wifely duties” you do, although indirectly. This is strategic and should be seen as such, cook hubby’s food and serve him yourself, if possible. Feed the kids occasionally, to allow for bonding and monitor any developing bad eating habits.
The Children are still yours
With all that is going on at work, it is very tempting to leave the care and upbringing of the children to the ‘Auntie’, but do not fall for it. As far as possible, take charge of the emotional needs of the children when your busy schedule does not permit you to be part of the daily tasks associated with childcare.
When you get home, hug them, listen to them tell you about their day, spend time chatting, help with homework when possible and put them to bed yourself whenever you are available.
For the kids, this creates the sense that ‘Mummy’ is still mummy even if she is not around all the time, she makes time for other activities and I can tell her all about my day. Do not leave everything for the help, it will only make the children withdraw from you and create stronger bonds with the helps, who may not always be a positive influence.
Beware of Child abuse by House helps
Statistics have shown that majority of physical abuse is undertaken by people who are not strangers, but close to the individual. Let’s face it, some helps can be devilish and may destroy the beautiful children you are working so hard to take care of.
Be wary of the fact that because of the closeness in relations, there can be physical, sexual and emotional abuse. This can leave children feeling dejected, depressed and sometimes feeling worthless. Be ready to talk to the children about the reality of ‘bad people’ who may hurt them, no matter how young they are.
Teach them about sexual abuse, that ‘nobody touches your “peepee and your bombom” and that if anything should happen, they should tell you.
Watch out for the signs also, unexplained bruises on the body, sudden change in temperament of the child, always isolating themselves or sudden self-consciousness and stubbornness. Provide the parameters for disciplinary actions permissible in your home so that it does not go overboard.
Dealing with ‘Daddy’
Perhaps the most important thing to note in dealing with house helps, is to clearly explain the scope of their relationship with ‘Daddy”. Yes some house helps are home wreckers, but most do so unintentionally. They are simply pressured by the man of the house and get confused about what the limitations of their services are.
Be very mature about this subject, overdo it and the help may get it the wrong way. Your best bet is to get Daddy to understand the limitations of the role of the help and ensure that all communication is routed through you, as the Woman of the house and the one whom she reports to.
She should feel free to let you know if there is anything bothering her and be careful in what is communicated to Daddy. Keep an eye on the way the Help dresses too, men are moved by what they see, do not be the cause of your partner’s temptation.
Don’t sweat it, house helps are always testing your patience
This can also be considered as health advice. Do not get worked up about every mistake a Help makes. If this becomes a habit, you may develop blood pressure issues. Know when to go into a frenzy and when to simply ignore.
In my experience, most helps know exactly what they are doing and what effect it is likely to have on you. So surprise them by totally ignoring or not reprimanding them when they test you intentionally. However, a note of caution. If you never want to see the action repeated, then speak out clearly and explain why that action must never be repeated in your home.
I hope the above points can help someone out there beginning the house help wahala journey. House helps, like almost every other social phenomena, had to be understood, using the right skills. I share my experiences not as someone who has succeeded, but as one who is extending a hand to my fellow women navigating this very bumpy curve of the house helps. It is possible to be a great wife, mother and homemaker and at the same time, be a high performing professional woman with the assistance of house help. Just don’t get carried away, they are only helping.
This article is written by Yaa Essah Armah (yaaessah@gmail.com)
The Author is a Mother and an Educational Leadership Academic/ Professional. She is also an MPhil Student / University of Ghana and Quality Assurance Coordinator/ Ghana Technology University College.